Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and wondering why going to the store is such a pain in her ass. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETE's of your own.
If there's one thing I hate more than people, it's food shopping…or Facebook…but we can address that another week. If you haven’t had the pleasure of navigating the isles of the New York City “grocery store,” let me tell you kiddies—it’s chock full of DELETES. The food stores here are about the size of a newsstand on steroids. Sprinkle in some lovely New Yorkers and you can see where this is going.
So, let’s start with the cart. You know, the one that has the handicapped wheel. The one that insists on bearing right, when with all your might you're trying to navigate forward (hmmm this is sounding strangely like my last relationship). Now, some genius has decided to create the mini-cart (which I never approved by the way). These mini-carts were designed so that you could pull them behind you like luggage. But in the hands of an elderly couple or a 5-year-old, they can become deadly weapons. One word…DELETE!
Next, we have the infamous Sunday circular. You know, the one that lists all the specials for the week. Unfortunately all the bargain shoppers feel it necessary to stand in the middle of the aisle—the aisle, I might add, which is so small that you’d be lucky to fit two starving supermodels down it side by side. So, the bargain shoppers stand there, holding the paper, arms fully extended, eying their next coveted item. You just can’t get away from these people. They're everywhere! Standing in front of the cheese counter; the meat counter; the cleaning supplies. For the love of God it’s an epidemic! So, imagine what it's like for me to navigate around little Miss Super Saver while I'm trying to get to the ice cream. I’m on a mission here, Missy. Move your ass before it gets DELETED.
And finally, you have to love the check out. Here are a few items that made the list this week, which most certainly deserve a big fat DELETE:
The woman in front of you who price-checks every item she has. Hey, buddy, maybe you should apply for a job since you seem to like playing cashier for the day…DELETE.
People who bring 10 items to the 8 items or less lane. I don't care who you are, you’re not that special and yes the rules apply to you, too…DELETE.
Parents who let their kids scream for candy and hang off the cart like monkeys. Give them the bleeping candy and let us wait in peace…DELETE.
The guy you're stuck behind in line who doesn’t have enough money to pay. Really? Weren’t you the one reading the circular a few minutes ago? I would've thought you'd be better prepared…DELETE.
The Chatty Kathy. You know who I’m talking about. She thinks everyone's her best friend and wants to chat it up with the cashier, you and the kids hanging off the cart. Zip the lip, lady. And oh yeah, forgot to tell you…DELETE!
So until next time…shop in peace and let’s see what we can cook up for next week. Who would you DELETE during your grocery store visit? Leave your comments above!