Just another manic Monday! Good thing I have Ms. Sassy Pants here with me to start the week off with a bang. If you haven't read her columns before, you're in for a treat! This week, Ms. Sassy gives us a rundown of all the things that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Take a look at what's annoying her right now:
Ahhhh, another week behind me…and what a week it was. Or so I thought. I sat down today with an empty slate. Nothing to report. Have I been reformed? Am I becoming an adult? Am I developing a conscious? What in God’s name is happening to me?!?! This has NOT been approved. And then it hit me: Staten Island. Need I say more? Yes, yes I do…DOUBLE DELETE!
Last weekend I decided that I was going to explore the City like a tourist. Maybe if I put myself in their shoes I wouldn’t be so quick to judge (Oh, who am I kidding?). So in my (soon to be failed) attempt to become “one of them” I decided to take a ride on the Staten Island Ferry. Oh, and did I mention I was on a date? I thought it would be so romantical to take a moonlit cruise across the river, with views of the City skyline and the Statue of Liberty lit up at night. And to top it off…it was FREE. Have you ever heard of too good to be true? Well, you can see where this is going…
I should have realized when I walked into the terminal and there was an evangelist holding a huge sign that said, “JESUS DIED FOR US SINNERS” and "REPENT," spelled upside down and backwards, that this was going to be an evening chock full of DELETES. So here's my list for the week…brought to you in part by the denizens of Staten Island.
Let’s start with Mr. Praise Jesus. You are free to believe what you choose—just don’t push it on me, pal! Especially when I’m on a date. It kind of ruins the mood. DELETE!
People who sell jewelry in public restrooms. Yes, I said it. The cleaning attendant was actually sitting on the bathroom floor making beaded necklaces and trying to sell them to people waiting in line. Dare I ask where those beads have been? DELETE!
Women who block the sink as they take photos of themselves in the bathroom mirror. Yo, Miss I’m All That, move that half-covered ass of yours and let a girl scrub up. DELETE!
Dudes with hair gel…period. DELETE!
The Staten Island dress code. Apparently I missed the memo, but the 80’s are back in full force and not in a good way. Big hair, high heels and short skirts…do I hear the theme song from Working Girl playing in the background? Nope…DELETE!
So my prayers have been answered; ironically, thanks to Mr. Praise Jesus et al. I’m still a cynical bitch with a bag full of judgment and DELETES. See you next week.